Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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