I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
