Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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