Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
