any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
