You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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