hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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