HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
