I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
