i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
