Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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