dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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