His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I need a beard to bite.
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