I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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