is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
