DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
