You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Randomize
