We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
