at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
