I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
