The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
