He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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