well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
