I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Did I show you my penis last night?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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