I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
