Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I FOUND THE LEGS
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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