whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
And then he peed in my hair
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