im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
