"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
