It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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