69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
