nut hugger
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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