I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
