He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Randomize
