A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
