I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
