Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
im holly from the hills drunk
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
