haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
