Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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