I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
