Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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