We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
