She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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