I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
