We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
