Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
