I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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