He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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