he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
