Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
