the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
