peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
