He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
